It is very sad to loose someone in your family and friends. The passage of time is the only way to lessen your sorrow. Sometimes it takes many years. We are humans, that can’t be helped.
I lost my father more than 20 years ago here in New York by cerebral infarction. One morning, he had a stroke and taken to the hospital by ambulance. At first he responded by jiggling his toes, however he had more bleeding while he was in the hospital. He survived for a while just breathing, no reaction then passed away. When my father had the stroke, I said to myself “This cannot be happening in my family. Why?”. At that time, I prayed everyday by saying “I will give you everything, so please help my father.”.
After he passed away, it took me years for my sadness to vanish. I spent so much time and did so many things together with my father when I was young. I loved the way of his living his life. He was a doctor but he never was arrogant but he was truly treating everyone as equal. His way of looking at things was different from that of other doctors. His priority was his patients and he always prioritized what was really needed, never chasing for more money. He seemed very uncomfortable in a doctor’s organization.
I loved having such a father. Back then it was normal and popular for a doctor’s daughter to marry a doctor’s son. However, both my father and mother never forced me to get married with a doctor. I was never mentioned nor introduced to someone because of this. He always said, “Do what you want to do.”. When I introduced Bob to my father for the first time, he said to me “You know, Bob is such a great guy.”. He was American and my father did not know where he worked and how much he earned. To my father those things really did not matter. The most important thing for my father was Bob himself. When I asked my father if I could study abroad when I was younger, he said “It is time for women to go abroad and lean many things now.”. He did not object to it but accepted it. He truly had a broad view.
I could not see our photo album that my father was in for many years. At that time my son was around 2 years old? If he had not been born, I can’t imagine how I would have been. It was shocking and I was very sad.
However, now I have come to realize that a soul continues forever. Therefore, death is a beginning of the next life. To be born means to invariably to die. And to die means to be born. Before I realized this, I spent the hardest days for many years.
Some spiritual related person said, “If you are very sad, deceased souls cannot go to the next level. The soul cannot rest in peace.” I agree with this. After you mourn as much you wanted, at some point you should let the soul go with appreciation. If you really love that person it is important to see them off for his/her next journey. Let’s say good bye with courage.
There is various sadness. Like this example, many people who get depressed and become sad, “They never thought a person would say something like this to me. It was unexpected, wasn’t it?”. He/she said something to you who you didn’t think that you thought of yourself. Therefore, you are depressed and sad against that, aren't you? You’d better change this habit.
For example, your boss at work said to you something and you felt “sad. “You can’t even do this?”, you were scolded by your boss. You become sad and depressed. This sadness is your “ego”. By feeling sad, you are hiding what you could not do. I think if you take what he said honestly then you can fix what needs to be fixed. If your boss is absurd, you can make a step to think if it is necessary for you to be there. If you can quit and find another job, this could be a good idea. If you have to work there for some reason, let’s accept him as is. You should not be upset, be calm. There is no need to feel sad.
What you need to do is to accept what someone said or you heard what someone said. Just as is. You cannot add your emotion to this. For example, if someone scolded at you by saying “ You are really an idiot!” , just think “This person said that I’m an idiot. What did I do for him to say this?”. You cannot add your emotions here. If your emotion occurs, catch that emotion. This process is the same as I wrote in my other blog.
Try to ask yourself “What is it you are sad about?”. You feel sorry for yourself and you are sad. It happens quite often that someone said something to upset you, and you feel sorry for yourself and you are “doing sad” for you. Depression is similar. Sometimes it is very hard to deal with. I myself was very depressed in the past. I had depression for years. At that time, no medicine or doctor could not heal my depression. One day I made a “decision”. “I am going to end this”, this decision made me act to change, I was able to change. At that time I was just living life, did not know anything. But I have learned If I make a “decision” and “act” on it, I can do it!
At this stage of life, I have learned how important to make the “decision” and “act” on it. But before I knew this was important I was acting so. I strongly recommend you try to do this.
We are only human and we feel “sad” sometimes. If you lost someone so important to you, cry as you want and be sad, but after that please let him/her go as soon as possible. Because he/she would like to take another journey. Even the person’s life was short, it is important his/her soul decided to leave the body, what about respecting his/her will.
Other sadness or depression is caused because you are centered only on yourself, so please try and eliminate your ego. What is it that I really need to do today? In under any circumstances, what consciousness should I keep and spend today? Instead of worrying about next month, next year, how shall I live today?”. Accumulation of today makes month and next year. If you do not accumulate, there is no future.
PS: Please visit a doctor if you are seriously suffering from depression. And with the help of a doctor, please take actions and overcome your depression by yourself. I think western medicine is important on some occasion.